By Fidouse Rao, California
By the grace of Almighty Allah ﷻ, I embraced Islam at the age of eighteen, along with my elder brother Umar. We were born and brought up in a strict Brahmin family. There are three of us: my brother is the eldest, then comes my sister, and I (Asha) am the youngest in the family. Being the youngest, I was pampered by my parents, especially my mother.
Before sharing the experience of my journey to Islam, I would like to share a strange incident that happened to me when I was in the eighth grade. One evening, I was playing. There was a mosque near my house, and I think it was ʿAṣr time, and I heard the adhān. I started listening to it carefully, and when I heard “Ashhadu an lā ilāha illā Allah, ashhadu anna Muḥammadan rasūlullāh,” I started repeating the phrase with the intention of imitating it. Little did I know at that time that Almighty Allah ﷻ would accept my shahāda and would make me a Muslim when I grew up. Allāhu akbar.
My brother was very strict in doing pooja every morning and evening; he used to visit all the temples in our area. He was rude and used to beat us sometimes. Once he started going to Syed’s garment firm, he stopped doing pooja, and every day there used to be a big fight between my him and mother regarding this. My brother used to argue that he would not bow before an idol, which cannot see or talk and is not beneficial. His behavior also changed; he started being more responsible and soft-spoken. During that time, I was in the tenth grade, and I was shocked at his sudden change in behavior.
Every day, he used to debate my mother about why Eshwara needs a wife. Why does God, who is so powerful, need a son and family? If God is powerful enough to create us from nothing, then why isn’t Eshwara able to get Ganesha’s head back? I was shocked to hear all these questions from him.
I started observing my brother’s actions closely; every day he used to lock himself in a room for a few minutes. I was curious to know what he was doing inside. One fine day, after he left the house, I went inside the room to search for what he had hidden there. Allah ﷻ made me search, and in the cupboard I found a black diary. When I opened it, I couldn’t understand anything in that diary. Later I would realize that the last chapters of the Quran and the procedure to do namaz (prayer) were written in the diary. At the time, the only word I could understand was namaz.
I thought of asking my brother about the diary that evening. My mother and my sister had gone to my grandmother’s house; only my brother and I were left at home. I started asking him about that diary and about what had gone wrong with him that he had stopped doing pooja. My brother explained to me the story from the Quran about how Allah ﷻ created Adam and Eve. When Allah ﷻ asked all the angels to prostrate, everybody did except Iblīs, who disobeyed His command. Iblīs was thrown out of Heaven, and he promised Allah ﷻ that he would lead humankind astray. This idol worship is Satan’s handiwork to lead humans astray from the straight path.
I started contemplating how humans could possibly imagine God’s image. My brother gave an example saying that, for instance, if a shirt was alive, it might believe that its creator is also a shirt but much more special, like with three or four extra armholes or more head openings. Humans have imagined similar images, but they do not exist.
I also thought about how our eyes can only see up to the sky; we can’t see what is beyond the sky with our naked eyes. Similarly, our mind has limitations, and we can’t imagine God.
During the Ganesha festival, I used to watch people shaping idols out of clay, and I started thinking: How can we sell God on the sidewalk? Is it that our so-called god, Ganesha, is so cheap that we can buy his idol on the corner? Then I came to the conclusion that these are idols that humans have created. They are not God.
One day, I happened to go to Syed’s firm and I saw his brother reading the Quran. I approached it and tried to read. It was an English translation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. The first verse I read was from Sūrat al-Kahf, which says, “If you take the ocean as ink and all trees on earth as pen to write Allah’s praises, the ocean will end but not the word of Allah” (18:109). Allāhu akbar. I started thinking: Is Allah’s praise so much that it goes on while the ocean ends? This verse made me think about Allah’s creation. I started reflecting on how human beings and trees, birds, the earth, and all that exist are created. I became convinced that this verse is true. I decided to follow Islam, but I did not tell this to anyone in my family.
Meanwhile, my brother was in the process of convincing my mother and sister about Islam. I used to just listen to his discussions with them, and I heard answers to many of my questions. My mother used to teach us some shloka to recite while sleeping so that we don’t get scared at night. I thought, Allāhu akbar means “Allah is the Greatest,” so I will say that instead. I used to say “Allāhu akbar” before sleeping. I was in my second year diploma when I decided to lead my life as a Muslim. I used to escape from doing pooja by going out to play, and my parents ignored this.
I began to wonder how I could leave home when I’m a girl. I realized that me being a girl should not stop me from accepting and following the truth. My sister was also convinced of Islam. On the day of the Ganesha festival, all three of us opposed the wrong things that were happening at home. My mother did not agree with us. After a lot of arguing, she asked us to leave. My brother went to make arrangements for accommodations. A person named Khurshid, who worked as manager in Syed’s shop, agreed to give us his storeroom for a few days. My sister changed her mind and said she would not join us. Alḥamdulillāh, I was firm in my resolution to follow Islam, and I started packing to leave. My mother tried to convince me, telling me that she would give me gold and help me get married to a nice guy. I told her I didn’t need all of that.
That same evening, my brother and I left our home, with all our clothes in plastic bags. My brother only had 100 rupees. Alḥamdulillāh, Allah ﷻ gave us the courage to leave for His sake.
I was in the final year of my diploma when we left. My mother found me at my college and asked me to visit my grandmother at home. When I went, my grandmother started questioning me, saying, “Have you become Muslim?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “Become a Christian or anything else, but don’t become a Muslim; they are the worst people.” I replied, “You don’t know about Islam, that’s why you’re saying that.”
They tried to lock me in a room, but I ran away, saying, “I don’t want to live with you people.”
Alḥamdulillāh, Allah ﷻ gave me the courage and strength to face that day. My mother threatened us by saying that she would file a complaint to the police and my principal, but alḥamdulillāh, my brother and I were firm regardless of the consequences.
After we left home, my brother quit his job because he had to work in shifts and he was unable to perform Friday prayers. We started living in a small home. We did not have anything except one small stove, one mat to sleep on, and some pots for cooking. I still remember that I used to keep our clothes on the floor. We slept for a few days by stacking our books into pillows and using my dupatta as a bed sheet, and we used to comb our hair while looking at a steel plate, which we also used to eat on. Alḥamdulillāh, those were the most beautiful days of our lives. I am grateful to Allah ﷻ that He honored us with such tests.
My mother used to come to my college with a lunch box to try to convince me to return home. Even though I was hungry, I did not accept her offer.
For almost a year, my brother did not have a job. Sometimes, we used to live on bananas and bread with water because we were unable to afford a good meal. I used to come home from college, drink a glass of water, and go to sleep, so that I would not feel hungry. Alḥamdulillāh, it is Allah ﷻ who gave us the strength to be firm on the straight path.
Today, if we look back, we know that if it had not been for Allah’s mercy, we would not have been able to even imagine leaving our family and facing such hardships.
Alḥamdulillāh, Iam blessed to have a degree in engineering telecommunications, and Allah ﷻ has also blessed my brother, who is working as a software engineer at a very good company.
In every prayer, I remember an incident that happened when I was in the seventh grade. I used to stick pictures of idols in my pencil box, and I used to tease my Muslim friends, telling them, “See, we have a god who we can see, but you people only worship a wall and nothing else.”
Today Allah ﷻ allows me to stand and bow before Him five times a day. I am brought to tears of joy knowing that Allah ﷻ has trained us and purified us with so many tests. My brother and I are happy to face tests in life when we remember this hadith: The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “Allah ﷻ tests only those people whom he loves the most.” Allah has blessed us with Islam. Alḥamdulillāh!